Friday, February 27, 2015

A Letter To My Husband

"Who, being loved, is poor?'
~Oscar Wilde

To my husband,

In such a short time you have taken on a cross country move, a nice (and often problematic) house, a new job, three children and a dog.

You left your beautiful little place in a bustling European city with little responsibility and care to be a part of what can seem like a combination of joy and insanity.

You've made family dinners an often two to three hour discussion of laughs and exploration. You've become a confidant and friend to two kids who so desperately needed you in their lives. You've put up with the never ending drama of the forever ex, not that he wants to be a part of his children's lives but more accurately never wants anyone to be happy.

You support me and my ups, downs and times when, as a parent, I want to bang my head against a wall until I forget I have kids (Rarely happens but now with one certain child the wall is calling).

And you love me, us, unconditionally.

And we you.

Thank you <3

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
~Franklin P. Jones

Friday, February 6, 2015

Love is in the Air

"Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'"
~Eric Fromm

Love, it's a tricky thing. I recently heard a bit by Louis C.K. discussing love and happiness. The gist was that if you love them they won't love you or visa versa. Or you'll find the love of your life and they'll just die, because that's the way it works.

I hope not. I know quite a few couples who have been together a long time and are truly the love of each other's lives. I know because for the last decade I've really studied other couples. I've listened, asked questions and observed quietly body language, tones and facial expressions.

Before I got married in my 20's I was unsure. I wasn't in love. I considered him my best friend but I wasn't in love. My mom had me go see a pastor and his advice was that passion and love fade but friendship was what most marriages were based on. Besides, my fiancee said he loved enough for both of us.

So as time went on and I was more and more unhappy I began watching. Couples that are truly in love are easy to spot, even if they've been together 10, 20, 30 or more years.

They look at each other with joy in their eyes, always seemingly surprised by the other's wit or creativity.

They touch each other often, as if by habit, but always without any awkwardness, just easy and soft.

They discuss their partner with pride and respect. That's not to say there won't be complaints but they are also shared with respect (and annoyance).

They have a healthy sex life-seriously. Many don't believe this but I know a lot of couples who do it almost every night (and far from newlyweds). That may be an extreme but desire and attraction fuel us as a couple.

They just truly enjoy each others company. There is no one they would rather be with.

They actually do what ever it takes to make the other happy whenever possible. They take joy in their joy and help them through the sorrow. They are the biggest cheerleaders and strongest crutches.

This may sound obvious to some but other people will look at this and think it's overstated.

And it is.

Maybe.

We are all human and may have our stumbling blocks or moments we are so very embarrassed of. But if, for the most part, this is your relationship it can stay solid and strong.

I often had wished I had been smarter, waited for actual love. But better late than never right?

So this Valentines Day I hope you are with someone you love. If not, maybe I gave you a glimpse into what to look for.

"Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing."
~Torquato Tasso