Friday, April 15, 2016

Take Back the Power

"You are the sky. Everything else - it's just the weather."
~Pema Chodron

I recently heard a woman discussing her failing marriage say, "I don't like who he has made me become." That struck a loud chord inside of me.

I don't like who HE has made ME become.

Most of us have someone in our lives who bring out what I will call our worst selves. Personally, I've been in this battle for many years now. Dealing with someone who is supposed to be co-parenting but barely has the time for his children and won't even communicate about basic questions can cause me to fight my own worst self.

But I'm trying to be more enlightened in an attempt to stop always having a twisted feeling in my stomach and a need to once again reason with someone who just will never see it.

I can change me.

As much as I see the benefits of communication, scheduling, being reliable and even available, I can't make someone else see that if they don't want to. I can't make someone be a better parent let alone a better person. All I can do is what I already do. Take care of myself and my family.

To stop giving someone else the power to constantly disappoint you or hurt you may be impossible in its entirety. If it's their operating mode they will find a way. But to accept that it is who they are and there is nothing you can do about it at least puts some power back in your hands. It's not you, it's them.

We can feel sorry for them. In my case for the inability to see how he has made his children feel and the glimpse into a relationship that will forever be minimal at best. But I will try so very hard to no longer make that my problem or my disappointment. My kids have a very nice life provided by myself and their very loving step-dad. If and when, on the rare occasion, they decide to visit their father and it isn't inconvenient for him I will look at it as a much-earned break.

And maybe, if I take back the power, I'll be able to say goodbye to that person I don't always like so much. The one with the twisted stomach and the sharp tongue.

I can change me.

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
~Wayne Dyer

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